Cheetah, the fastest one from the Thundercats has died. Lion-O is said to be uncontrollably grief stricken and considering alcoholism while Snarf is preparing a press-conference about her untimely… wait… that's the wrong one. We're talking about Tarzan's buddy aren't we?
Okay, glossing over the fact that, like most publications, we're willing to invent situations out of an event that hasn't happened, the sad news is that Cheetah the chimpanzee who starred in the Tarzan movies of the early '30s has died.
Yes. Really. It was 80 years old! And it smoked like a trooper as well. Allow us the chance to fawn with empty praise of the death of a celebrity like we always cared about them in the first place. That's what we're supposed to do, right?
The tragic news came through from The Suncoast Primate Sanctuary in Palm Harbour, Florida, that some stupid monkey died of kidney failure on Dec 24th.
The world, mourning the loss of one of the greatest talents ever known, has not only lost a fine actor, but also, one the great artists of many generations.
Debbie Cobb, director of the sanctuary, said Cheetah had loved finger painting and had seemed particularly tuned into human feelings.
Of course, 'tuned into human feelings' actually means that he was known to throw his own faeces around if he became upset (what's known in Hollywood as 'being a diva' – if you hear an act say that they're a diva, they're basically confessing to throwing handfuls of their own poo at assistants).
Naturally, after the Tarzan films, Cheetah went on to star in a myriad of PG Tips adverts (notably the one where he played a removal man who flung handfuls of waste at an elderly woman) as well as taking the lead in the Planet Of The Apes franchise (which was brought about after an alleged 'casting couch incident' with a certain C. Heston).
He's still a stupid animal though who emoted about as much as a dandelion.
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