Jessie J Warns Of A ‘Lot More Pain’ On Next Album… For Anyone Who Hears It, Presumably

No Frills Natasha Bedingfield (yes, we understand the gravity of that set-up) Jessie J has blighted our ears with her hysterical shrieking and needless runs and vocal gymnastics throughout 2011, wobbling around on her plaster-casted foot, determined to tell us how REAL she is.

Real enough to carve it into your arm and then go disappearing off a bridge somewhere, a la Richey Edwards?

And as painful as it was to hear her dreadful music, she's promising that the next batch of songs will be even more difficult for us to listen to promising a "lot more pain", like any of us deserved it. It's been a tough year as it is, you heartless wart!

Apparently, the already gaspingly self-indulgent singer is planning to explore the darker side of her character. Such as? Well, she wants to look at the struggles she had before she was famous for inevitably awful next LP.

She told the Daily Star:

"There will be a lot more pain in the lyrics on my next album. For the seven years before I signed my record deal I was in a bad place and I was scared that I couldn't get out of it. That's why I wrote such upbeat music, as a way of trying to escape how I felt."

"Now that I am happier, I won't be afraid to explore my pain. But in a good way; it'll be me saying that it's OK not to feel OK."

Oh Jesus H. It's going to be Self Help Pamphlet: The Musical, isn't it?

And, unbelievably, there's worse news. Jessie is planning to work with limp squib Ed Sheeran who will coyly look you in the eye before whispering some hokey catpiss over Jessie doing vocal somersaults for the thousandth time.

Then, to completely defecate into the already large, opened wound, she said without any sense of irony:

"I also want to work with James Morrison again".

We'll give you our address and you can come murder one off all over us right now. This is unbearable.