Michael Bay Renames Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Just To Wind You 30somethings Up Even More

Michael Bay has been tinkering with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles format as he bids to make a shiny new film about the four reptilian annoyances (okay, Donatello was okay, but the other three were dick-heads of the highest order).

First he told us that they were going to be aliens, then he told us that Splinter was being replaced by a sexy Mexican woman and Bebop & Rocksteady are going to be stoner robots who like dubstep… so what now?

Well, Bay has taken to his blog to tell us that he's renaming them to make the film 'simpler'.

Bay says that the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies will now just be called Ninja Turtles.

He says:

"Paramount marketing changed the name. They made the title simple."

He continues:

"The characters you all remember are exactly the same, and yes they still act like teenagers. Everything you remember, why you liked the characters, is in the movie. This script is being developed by two very smart writers, with one of the original creators of Ninja Turtles. They care VERY MUCH about making this film for the fans. Everyone on this team cares about the fans. Just give them a chance. Jonathan the director, is a major fan of the whole franchise. HE'S NOT GOING TO LET YOU DOWN."

Michael Bay is also looking at reviving other 80s/90s television shows too. The list is as follows:

Jossy's Giants (footballing karate men – Bryan Robson Robot makes guest appearance)

The Flumps (robots on an allotment)

Wizardora (robot woman – played by Kelly Brooke – sent to Earth with phasers set to 'annoy')

Why Don't You? (robot children from Liverpool fire missiles out of their eyes while bikini-clad women show you how to make fairy cakes)

Greenclaws (robot gardener – played by Vin Diesel – destroys Earth while loud hip hop plays from his anus-shaped flying greenhouse)

Mike Reid's Saturday Superstore (Mike Reid is bitten by a radioactive robot and kills everyone on Earth while making wisecracks about Cliff Richard)

Samurai Pizza Cats (faithful adaptation)

and the one we're looking most forward to is…

Murun Buchstansangur (Murun goes postal with the latent rage built up from the tedium of modern life, first killing his cousin in a drunken rage with a shattered teacup before building a small army of breakdancing robots who attack the Pentagon. Buchstansangur voiced by Will Smith)