viernes, 30 de marzo de 2012

Rihanna Is Not Dating Ashton Kutcher, Stopping Advent Of World’s Most Ghoulish Couple

Did you hear the one about Rihanna being romantically linked to Ashton Kutcher? If you didn't, you've not been reading hecklerspray and, frankly, we hate you for that. There has been reports that the two were knocking their uglies together though.

A dreadful, honking notion, don't you think?

Well, it seems RiRi isn't letting The Kutch part her lips with his long, coyote-esque peen which is great news for Demi Moore who looked for all the world like she was going to top herself over the whole thing. So what does Ri have to say about it all?

At a London press conference for Battleship – that'd be the stupid film that is based on one of the most boring board games on Earth - a reporter used her one question with the pop star to ask about the alleged rendezvous which took place the other week.

"Wow, how disappointing was that question. I'm happy and I'm single, if that's what you're really asking."

Disappointing? Would she have preferred something more hard hitting like; 'So, Chris Brown. What's the deal with letting him completely off the hook when he knocked 40 shades of shit out of you three years ago?'

Or maybe: 'So, Rihanna, ever considered keeping your clothes on and NOT talking about sex for one second in your life?'

No, RiRi would much rather talk about her fondness for public transport in London (because she's quite clearly insane – no-one in their right mind likes being stuck in an underground metal tube filled with Londoners).

Talking about her getting papped on the Underground on the way to a Drake gig, she said:

"There's so much traffic. It's approximately an hour and a half to the O2 every time. … I hate waking up early and I'm always late, so the tube is like 10 minutes"

And when she's done there, she can blink into the light while smelling of year-old cockerny B.O.

HURRAY!

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