Sinitta wants Simon Cowell to move house after an intruder was found in his wardrobe covered in blood. Sinitta probably thought she was the only person who was allowed to be found hiding in his house, acting like a lunatic.
The leaf-wearing maniac dated Simon in the '80s and has remained his close friend ever since, mainly by sheer persistence.
She's now very worried for Cowell and thinks he's not safe where he lives and wants him to get the blue hell outta there. She also thinks it's all about her. No, seriously.
She told Digital Spy:
"I think it's pretty alarming really. It's probably affected me worse. I think he should move and everything now. Change security, build a high gate around his house – or just move. What on earth were the security doing? Were they asleep?"
The intruder in question goes by the name of Leanne Zaloumis who is 29 (old enough to know better) and from Catford in London (and nothing good ever came out of south London) and appeared at West London Magistrates Court on Monday accused of aggravated burglary with intent.
She's in custody now. Full marks if you made a joke about custard when reading that.
But Cowell is alright. We don't need to worry about him. Despite having hair like a grizzly bear and an eerily still face, he's trying to get his leg over with the Britain's Got Talent make-up artist.
AND SHE LOOKS A BIT LIKE CHERYL COLE.
The make-up artist is called Francesca Neill and Simon has the hots for her.
He said:
"We have the new, cutest make-up artist. But I just can't talk to her, I'm kind of tongue-tied."
Just imagine him, fiddling with himself while thinking of Neill putting blusher on his gonads. Go on. Picture it really clearly in your mind's eye with all those veins and grunts.
You're welcome.
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