Imagine how hard it is being R Kelly. First off, everyone keeps mentioning the whole urine/minor thing. Then there's your inner voice that tells you everyone is out to get you… that you're washed-up. Then there's the whole Not Understanding Irony Thing.
See, Uncle Kels has forged a career based on some truly wonderful records, coupled with a Dubious Private Life. People love him. It is funny to love R Kelly. Especially when you listen to the lyrics of 'Shut Up' or watch the video for 'Real Talk'.
And of course, his magnus opus is the baffling, hilarious, disturbing, ego-wank that is Trapped In The Closet. And thanks to his lack of insight or foresight, he's only gone and made a whole load of new episodes of the slopera to deal with some of its 'mysteries'.
Kels has found a home for his revival of his Trapped in the Closet series, managing to broker a deal with a US cable channel.
Chapter 23 and onward is going to air this year on IFC. Sadly, we don't know how people outside of America are going to follow the ever odder chronicles of Sylvester, Roxanne and the midget. We can only hope someone puts it on YouTube, so everyone can watch the first couple of chapters before giving up halfway through.
Seriously. Only 1% of people who claim to love the Trapped In The Closet series have ever made it all the way through. Lunatics.
Kelly says:
"When I first began experiencing the unknown journey of writing Trapped in the Closet I knew after the first chapter that I had tapped into something that was not of this earth."
No self-aggrandising there then. He's also promised to answer the "million dollar question", which is the contents of a mysterious package passed between characters.
"Well, ladies and gentlemen, not only am I ready to reveal what the package is, but I have many more chapters to share."
One day, he's going to hear the laughter he generates and will go thoroughly postal.
Just you watch.
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