Kristen Stewart has reportedly bought Robert Pattinson a £50,000 piano as a surprise. Sadly, the surprise didn't even vaguely register on Rob's impressively motionless, grey face. Rumour has it he's so dull, that he hasn't blinked in over a decade.
OK! magazine report that Kristen (Robert's on-screen wife in Twilight) marked the couple's three-year anniversary by splashing her cash on a top-notch piano.
Alas, music itself is said to have been found on a ledge, threatening to kill itself because the tedium of Pattinson's company was too much to bear.
A source revealed:
"Kristen wanted to get a huge surprise for Rob for their anniversary later this month. Robert's been playing the piano his whole life and admits it's the perfect escape for him when the showbiz world, paparazzi and fans get too much. Playing the piano is Rob's therapy when he needs to be alone, to think, to get emotional and creative."
"He's really musical and loves to sing as well."
Alas, Pattinson has been going through pianos like wet-wipes. Each time he approaches the keys to play, the cumbersome instruments have been flinging themselves out of the window, creating only brief amusement when people assume that the falling piano is part of a comedy routine, before realising that the person crushed under such a weighty instrument must be in unbelievable agony.
The source continued:
"Kristen has been searching around specialised, high-end piano shops in Los Angeles. She's been talking to top musicians about the best piano for months. Robert has always wanted a Steinway grand, so that's what she opted for."
"She blew £50,000, knowing that he'd love it."
It is rumoured that Steinway were prepared to make a special one-off piano for Pattinson which consisted of a single, solitary minor note to be slowly played over and over again by the dullard vampire.
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