What Would You Ask Neville Southall?

If you watched Channel 4's titillating documentary, "My Phone Sex Secrets," then somewhere, in the back of your mind will undoubtedly be the notion that maybe you could breathe heavily down a phone at some random wanking pervert whilst being paid by the minute.

Well that's what ex Everton goalkeeper Neville Southall thought, as he's opened up his own premium rate phone line, there'll probably be marginally less wanking but, given Neville's rather robust frame, there is sure to be a lot of heavy breathing.

Curious fans or a very niche subset of the pervert community can now log on to asknevillesouthall.com and pay to receive either an email, costing £49, or a one hour long call from the great man, for a recession busting £99.

Southall insists this isn't a way of getting paid to get his rocks off though, the mid 90s web page Southall has set up clearly states that you can ask him anything, so long as it's football related. But we here at hecklerspray didn't quite believe him and so, deciding to kill 2 birds with 1 stone, we beg, stole and borrowed £99 and got on the phone.

"ARE YOU THE MAN IN THE TULISA SEX TAPE!?"  We repeatedly shouted down the phone, to the sound of silence laced with anger, before an abrupt click and dial tone let us know that our hour was up.

Neville chose to neither confirm nor deny whether or not it is indeed his member the person who may or may not be for N-Dubber and X-Factor judge, Tulisa Constagobbleacock, is slapping against the side of her head and we may have paid £99 for the privilege of merely shouting obscene allegations down the phone to him, but you know what, it was totally worth it.

The blog section of Neville's new 118 service explains his reasons for setting up the site:

"After many years of people telling me to get online, I have now dived in and got a website set up, mainly so people can ask me questions."

But, unfortunately for us, the questions he wants people to ask don't have anything to do with him slipping a tackle into Tulisa's box.