Heidi Klum Lives Inside A Tornado (Nice And Airy Then?)

Supermodel Heidi Klum used to have it all. A moderately well-know singing husband named after a greasy bewhiskered mammal, legs that did the right thing down a catwalk and great Halloween costumes.

However, since her split with Seal, she's done something really stupid.

She's moved out of a presumably nice house in some sunny climate and, for some reason, decided to live inside a tornado instead. She's clearly lost her mind.

The supermodel and singer announced their split in January after seven years of marriage and the Heidi admits it's been very tough to deal with.

Wouldn't it be funny if she had said "no, actually, this has been a piece of cake. I hated him after a while so I was glad to see the back of him. Kiss From A Rose wasn't all that any way."

What she's actually said is:

"I'm in the eye of the tornado. It's emotions inside of your body that are a tornado. And then the outside world doing all this craziness – with you wanting it or not wanting it – is another tornado."

Tornado? Tornado.

"But as hard as it is, so is life. And sometimes I think a curveball just comes at you. Instead of something straight that you catch, it hits you in the head from the side that you didn't expect."

Ball? Ball hitting you on the head ball.

When she's not mixing her metaphors, she's… well… putting fondant icing on dog shit.

She told Elle magazine:

"To the outside world, you don't really share all the things that happen. You kind of share just the most amazing sides. But I don't really want to get into any of that stuff. With my life, my family, my business – I want to go forward."

"I feel like already there are so many things being said about us – about him, about me. I'm not going to comment. Otherwise it makes you angry. You can't always call and say, 'This is not true, but this part is true."

"He's a grown man. I can't tell him what to do and what not to do. It's hard."

Has Seal been slagging her off? No-one cares enough about Seal to actually listen if he did. He could've been stood on Fleet Street with his lad in his hand, defecating into a jiffy bag and shouting the word 'slag' over and over, and no-one would've noticed.

Poor, pointless Seal.