Susanna Reid’s Breasts Are Evil

Ladies and Gentlemen, there is one rule that is to be strictly adhered to by the breakfast news watching masses. Susanna Reid's breasts are not to be criticised, for they have done nothing wrong.

Reid has recently been criticised for showing too much cleavage whilst presenting flagship morning show, BBC Breakfast. Many an hour has been spent by perverted men nationwide staring down at her chest instead of up at her face where important facts are delivered directly to camera in an ever so playful manor.

The Buxom Breakfast host is to take over as the show's main presenter, following its move from London to the BBC's Media City studios in Salford, which we've reliably been informed lies somewhere outside of the M25.

It remains to be seen whether or not the push-up Reid's career will receive following her promotion will directly affect her bosom.

Reid has released a statement about her breasts, although it's nowhere near as exciting as you might think, she said:

"People seem to be shocked that women have breasts. There'll be complaints about the fact that there is literally a shadow showing."

But Reid isn't wrong, thousands of people all across the country who only want to keep television free from the prying eyes of perverts tune in daily to stare at her cleavage, vigorously exercising their right to object to even the merest hint of anything that could be deemed immoral.

Or in other words, having a good ol' fashioned feel of themselves and then feeling so guilty about their inability to control their own repressed urges that they take to email campaigns, social networks and, worst of all, Mumsnet, to blame the BBC for their self abuse and have their moral compass pointing in any direction that could not be deemed erect.

So here's to Susanna Reid and her Mary Whitehouse defying chesticles, may she continue to do whatever it is she does whilst Bill Turnbull and Charlie Stait simultaneously read us the news and try to catch a cheeky glimpse down her top.