Syrian Dictators Really Have Comical Tastes In Music

Bashar al-Assad, that's a name that rolls of the tongue doesn't it? Unsure who he is? Don't worry; we don't expect you to know. After all, he doesn't host a TV series on archaeological digs, have a range of puddings out in middle class supermarkets or own a Premiership football club.

Therefore he's effectively a figment of your imagination and not a concern to anyone. In Syria however, he's a household name where he's the president. Think Prime Minister David Cameron is a bit of dick with his policies? Compared to Bashar al-Assad, he's a saint. At least Cameron doesn't violently bludgeon peace protestors to death.

Whilst killing your own citizens is a grim subject that can't be made funny with any comedy vajazzling, surely there's something we can look at. Why would a man hurt his own people? Did he have a bad childhood? Even though we'll never know the full reasons, his music collection won't ever put Bashar al-Assad in a good mood. He's allegedly a fan of annoyances like LMFAO and horse faced Leona Lewis.

Syria isn't in the best of states right now. Daily news reports don't paint a pretty picture and anyone sitting down shouting at a contestant on MasterChef for burning a scallop can't really begin to comprehend the situation. So how has this random nugget of information reached us that Bashar al-Assad has a taste in music that's similar to that of a thirteen year old who blares their choonz out on a mobile phone at the back of a bus?

Even though it sounds like utter bullshit, it has supposedly been confirmed by serious grown-up broadsheet The Guardian that Bashar al-Assad has poxy music taste. They intercepted e-mails showing iTunes sales receipts and could confirm that nearly all of them were authentic. We trust them because they don't have any pictures of boobs and it's printed on really big sheets of paper.

Supposedly, the e-mails were intercepted between June 2011 and early February of this year.
But how did Bashar al-Assad even manage to download music? After all, the current affairs buffs amongst us all know that:

"Last year, President Obama signed an executive order that prohibited Assad and other Syrian officials from making transactions with the U.S."

But unlike a dog who's been unsuccessful at trying to steal sausages from the butcher, people in charge of countries and have title of Prime Minister or King are clever and can get round sanctions imposed on them. The nasty Syrian man mocked his restriction by:

"Registering his e-mail account to a New York address."

So what songs was Bashar al-Assad downloading? After all, he's breaking laws set out to him by the world's friendliest president in order to do so. Apparently, it seems he can't get enough of Top 40 pop, rock and dance. Glancing at his purchases, he'd be able to walk in to any branch of TigerTiger and enjoy near identical songs they play they. Supposedly, al-Assad is a fan of:

"Chris Brown, Right Said Fred, Leona Lewis, as well as nightclub mainstay, 'Sexy and I Know It,' by LMFAO."

If there was ever a time for social pressure groups to tediously link the conflict in Syria and violence together, we'll put it out there that Bashar al-Assad is a fan wife beating violent type Chris Brown and won't stop hurting innocents until Brown apologises for what he did to Rihanna.

Bashar al-Assad might be a murderous tyrant, but let's try and draw at least one positive from this. At least he's purchasing his music legally via iTunes. Whilst he might be killing loads of people innocently, at least he isn't damaging the music industry.

So that's something.