Lady Gaga To Release New Album In 2012 (Still Time To Clean Your Gas Mask And Finish Your Anderson Shelter)

Aren't we all lucky people right now? Frankie Cocozza is off the streets for the next few weeks so we can all get over that bad bout of crabs that we can't seem to shift, Adele has a new boyfriend so we might not have a song that isn't the worst sort of melancholic bollocks available and Lady Gaga has promised us a new album appearing sometime this year.

She doesn't have name for it yet, and even if she did, we wouldn't find out about it until she cryptically posted a video entitled 'le title prologue' or whatever bollocks language she thinks is so vogue right now, or has all the World's press stepping on her toes, dying to get the slightest piece of information out of her tightly wound lips.

And we don't mean the ones that's-a on her face.

The subject theme of the album is heavily under wraps, but she's united the hipster cocks of Downtown New York and all affected gay teens that want everyone to know they're gay under one merry banner, so who'll be added to Gaga's army of Little Monsters? Transsexuals? Unpleasant shop workers? Koalas? Who knows? Well Gaga knows (we hope).

We don't even have any information about what sort of things she will be including on her album, but a country threeway with William Shatner and Barbra Streisand probably isn't going to be in there. Unless Gaga the Benevolent wants to throw the only man brave enough to captain the Enterprise against Khan Noonien Singh a bone.

She's done it before, but do we honestly think that all the pop-slags drinking WKD purple and other such things would have been wearing bows made out of hair if she didn't do it? Or things with shoulder pads?

Lady Gaga has a lot to answer for, but until extra clauses are put into the Geneva Protocol prohibiting the use of awful synths as methods of Warfare we might never get the answer to those questions. That'd be a great afternoon at The Hague wouldn't it?

So a new Gaga album is almost imminent. Listening to it won't be consensual, you'll feel grubby and dirty afterwards, but the sooner it's finished the better. Much like sex with Frankie Cocozza. The dirty hair rapist.