Lana Del Rey: Doesn’t Really Care About Music At All, But Expects You To

Years ago, a smarter scribe than this wrote of 'air-conditioner music', which is to say, music stopped putting something into a room and instead, started trying to remove it. And removing everything out of a room, apart from the earless saps who buy it, is Lana Del Rey, the most tepid popstar in history.

She's Dido, only NME approved.

And Lana doesn't really like music. Why should she? She's a spoiled little rich girl who doesn't have to worry about striving to make great art or towering pop. In fact, so insincere is Del Rey that she's constantly thinking about walking away from music. She simply can't be bothered.

See, the scoop is that Del Rey almost quit singing two years ago. That's because, for the first time in her life, she actually had to work hard for something. Multi-millionaire daddy couldn't magic pop-stardom up for her overnight.

SHE WANTED A GOLDEN GOOSE DADDY!

After some unsuccessful attempts to break into the industry under a variety of guises, Lana became so disillusioned, she thought about giving up and doing something else.

She said:

"I definitely thought, 'If it's gonna be this hard I'm not gonna be a singer and have nothing.' That would have bene fine, but it's only in the last two years that I started getting tired.

"In my mind I was always thinking about [quitting singing]. I stopped playing shows. I definitely didn't want to be a singer any more."

Just think. All those people out there, still striving, who can't function properly without music. Those brilliant oddballs who would have to toss a coin between air and music as most important. Lana Del Rey is not one of those. She thinks that music should lead to stardom, and stardom should be easy when you've got a privileged background and a face that everyone fancies.

Talking to the NME, she's noted further that she's not that bothered about music:

"In terms of being a pop star, it's not something I've thought about for a long time now, because it was so long ago that I started.

"Even though I've been singing and writing again for two years, I haven't been on the stage for 16 months. I don't have to be a singer at all, it's not the be all or end all anymore."

Of course, she expects you to continue your hoovering up of all her records and tickets. She might not care, but you have to.

Sorry. You made your bland, tasteless, tuneless bed. You must now lie in it.