The Mayans said that the World would end in 2012, December 21st in fact (so don't be buying any Peacocks gifts vouchers), but those pesky Aztec ripoff neglected to mention that one the signs of the upcoming Apocalypse would be Helena Bonham-Carter not starring in a Tim Burton film.
And here we are, like the nose on your plain face, looking right at the factual evidence that Bonham-Carter is going to be elsewhere when they film 'Big Eyes.'
Instead of the massively haired weirdo, Burton has picked the insufferable Reese Witherspoon and the equally insufferable but slightly more fanciable, Ryan Reynolds to play the parts of indie artists, Margaret and Walter Keane respectively.
For those who don't know and can't be bothered to look on Wikipedia, the Keane's are responsible for some of the scariest artwork, and surely an inspiration for Sophie Ellis-Bextor's face. Massive, doe eyed women wearing clown leotards, or lying down next to tigers.
Whether you've heard of them or not makes no odds, because we doubt anyone will be going to see this film. There's no Bonham-Carter in it, is there?!
The film depicts the court case where Margaret disputed the claims her husband, Walter, made about their paintings. Turns out that Maggie had allowed Walter to use his name to sell them but when it came to their divorce, she wanted them back. To prove to a judge that she was the true creator of the scary looking paintings, she knocked one up whereas he cried off claiming that he had a sore shoulder.
Loser.
The whole film sounds dreadful doesn't it, like it should be Legally Blonde 5: The Peroxide Is Starting To Make My Hair Fall Out.
What's more important is where will Bonham-Carter be during the filming? Probably stashing weapons grade uranium into her hair and smuggling it out of North Korea. Or continuing her research into antibiotic resistant influenza in the Burt Cave.
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