Are you familiar with Drake? If not, then all you need to know is that he's the lamest, softest, wimpiest milktoast of a rapper who ever lived. Seriously. Your little sister could easily take him. Your dead nana could beat him up AND out-rap him.
And so, with that, does it surprise you that the weather made him cry?
Over the weekend, he played at the Sundance Film Festival and it snowed a bit. Instead of making a snow-sculpture shaped like a ho with a gun, he preferred to bite his nails and worry about the whole thing, cowering under his Power Rangers blankie, fearing for his life.
Late for his show, he told a crowd made up entirely of divorcees and poindexters:
"I almost lost my life six times to get to this motherf**ker. My flight was delayed six hours. I was on the curviest roads of my life!"
He wasn't finished talking about his ordeal, at one point, asking for a lie-down and something to eat, telling his simpering, wimpo audience:
"I need a massage and a grilled cheese"
Obviously, someone would've had to cut of the crusts for Drake as well as wearing special linen gloves because the roughness of people's hands hurts his skin.
After the show, Drake invariably went backstage, worried about any profanity he used because getting his fee stolen from him by a passing butterfly who threatened to land on his face.
He probably then spent the rest of the evening crying at the moon because he didn't know what it was and it frightened him, before being talked round with a glass of warm milk and a big cuddle from his management.
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