The Queen of New Boring has come under attack for having the temerity to get all pelvic and grunty with a man who might not be entirely divorced from his estranged wife.
As if it wasn't enough that she can't get through a day without a million more people buying her album, she's had to take to her blog (which is a step up from taking to Twitter, at least) to tell everyone that
a) he's not married and b) it's none of their goddamn business.
Taking a break from sitting down and bellowing ballads, Adele made these words happen to her bit of the internet:
"Contrary to reports and headlines in the press today, Simon is divorced and has been for 4 years. Everyone in our lives separately and together wish us nothing but the best, and vice versa. These are the facts."
So, that clears that up, then. He is definitely not still married, not to anyone, not even a little tiny bit married.
Now, you might ask yourself why it would even matter if he was 100% definitely still married, given that marriage in itself is an antiquated and ridiculous ritual, divorce is expensive and that opting for mere estrangement at least leaves you with one person who can't testify against you when your participation in the biggest crystal meth ring this side of Albuquerque is finally revealed.
And well done you, for asking questions instead of dumbly buying it like you bought Adele's album.
It doesn't really matter either way. What matters is that his nickname is Swampy, he went to Eton, and the two of them were introduced by human pumpkin Ed Sheeran.
That's where the real story is, people.
This article was written by Becca Day-Preston who is willing to punch you for money. Careful.
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