Andrew Lloyd Webber On The Hunt For Jesus (Still Claims To Not Be Crazy)

Not content with ruining The Wizard of Oz, Oliver! and Joseph and His Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat, it looks like Professional Scrotum Impersonator and Part Time Song Word Writerer, Andrew Lloyd Webber has declared his intentions on turning heresy into an all-singing, all dancing, some crying, and probably a few catty comments, contest.

Originally entitled 'Superstar', it is set to be played directly into our eyeballs in the Summer on ITV.

As we all know, but will recap for heathens not in the loop, Jesus Christ Superstar is about The Son Of Our Lord Amen, but through the eyes of Judas Iscariot during his 'Maybe Paganism is the way to go' phase. Iscariot becomes disenfranchised with Jesus' teachings and other general prattlings (but not the magic. The magic is the bestest), believing that his claims are just that of a madman with a cult following. Much like One Direction, or Chris Brown, or Michael Jackson fans.* It's basically the boring parts of Easter but with toe tappingly fantastic songs. But no eggs.

Lloyd Webber is teaming up with Steven Balsamo (who played Jesus in the 1990s stage show and not to be confused with Steve Buscemi) to find a new Jesus and Judas to pit against each other one more time, and take them all on a lovely arena tour around the country starting in the O2.

Completing the judging panel is the actress picked to play Mary Magdelene and another big star (Webber wants Meatloaf, we'd rather a colonoscopy with no lube).

The wrinkled foreskin said:

"I think it's going to be very exciting. What I'm really excited about is we are taking it back to how it started in an arena. I'm looking for a rock band that can play 140 songs. I want the whole thing to be a complete rock band and I want to see if the kids can do it or not. It is the public who lead the casting process and they've got it absolutely right four times already."

It's a fantastic move to defect to ITV, because with the added razzamatazz that ITV allows itself (compared to the BBC's self enforced stoicism), as well as tie in performances on The Royal Variety Performance and The Alan Titchmarsh Show, it looks like he might be onto a winner.

How could he lose with The Big Titch on his side? He's the only Jesus we truly deserve.