Remember Heather Locklear? Everyone used to fancy her in the olden days didn't they? She was the muse for many a 90s teen masturbation and, boy howdy, she was the archetypal neutron blonde.
Alas, image is always temporary and as her vanity stood firm in the face of sliding features, she looked like she was losing her mind.
And to back that up, she was taken to the hospital yesterday after a 911 call was placed from her home. Is it drugs? It's usually drugs isn't it?
Of course, doctors being doctors, nurses being nurses, the nature of the emergency wasn't immediately revealed… HOWEVER… thankfully we've got TMZ around to forage the bins and chase the ambulances for us, and it appears that they're under the impression that Locklear may have mixed alcohol and prescription medication.
Excellent work.
Ventura County Sheriff's Capt. Mike Aranda told People magazine:
"Emergency response personnel responded to a medical emergency call at Ms. Locklear's residence. Once they arrived, it was determined that Ms. Locklear needed to be transported to the hospital for further medical attention."
Yes, that's all well and good. The only thing we really want to know is: Will she die?
See, the deathly nature of such a story is absolutely key. We need to know whether to laugh about it all, or indeed, make a martyr of her. That's what we do. We a guided solely by understanding the gravity of a situation. We need to know whether Heather Locklear is dead! OKAY?
That said, we are allowed some flippancy on this one. Why? Well, despite being rushed to hospital with sirens honking, Locklear's daughter, Ava Sambora, found time to tweet the touching message of:
"Well this sucks."
Locklear has been in-and-out of hospital and has been arrested for drink-driving, so this could be 'a cry for help' or something because she seems to be coming apart at the seams.
Which is obviously great for vultures like us.
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