Dr Heckle & Mr Tweet: All The Week’s Best Celebrity Tweets And One From Ronan Keating

Here at hecklerspray we like nothing more than the cold icy crevasse of hard work. Seriously, we don't even whistle whilst. It really is like we are the cogs in the grinding mechanism of a distribution machine in the factory of universal contribution.

The endearing, eccentric Rhys Ifans kind of ones, obv.

But no, we really appreciate the hard grievous labour of the world of work. Well, we were like that, until we logged on to Twitter, and were immediately diagnosed with the mostly symptomless but ultimately very aggressive form of LOL Addiction that is!

And TALKING of humiliating, here are the top celebrity ailments that have subsequently been ailing US all bloody week.

LanaDelRey Lana Del Rey

The album Born To Die is available now on iTunes worldwide:smarturl.it/LanaAlbumiTunes xxx LDR xxx

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Hey Lana,

There's absolutely nothing we can do about that apart from not buy it and try and ignore as much press surrounding it as possible. AT LEAST let us do that for you. Bubz. Oh, sorry – you think the woman who awards herself the pseudonym of 'The Gangsta Nancy Sinatra' doesn't want to be universally ignored? Well, we assume you also buy 1% milk and think it's really great when people tell you the weight of their newborn children though, so I guess we should have seen that coming.

So, Lana – like we said, it's out there now. Now, we're not saying it's a mistake – but what is important to learn here, is that we all learn from our mistakes, and mistakes are part of the human condition. We're sure you already know that. We're sure you ironically own all of the Dalai Lama's books already. Maybe use this time of reflection to have a look through one of those. Surely there are more pressing matters for you at the moment anyway?

LanaDelRey Lana Del Rey

Right, just bearing in mind that I'm Lana Del Ray, David Sneddon's Stop Living the Lie isn't really as mellifluously challenging as I was hoping it would be.  :( xxx LDR xxx

Mmm-hmm.

DJFlash4eva Grandmaster Flash

Being in foreign places can of course be difficult. And we're not just talking about the SUPERMARKET! (HAHAHAHAHA! Don't tell Russell Howard that one, we're in ruins enough as it is.) No, of course – we're talking about Germany. Bloody, incomprehensible Germany.  In times such as these, Grandmaster, Mr Flash sir, we firmly suggest the words that we once learnt from an ancient Chinese proverb (that we saw in that slightly racist bit in Freaky Friday.) which is so: "A journey soon begins it's prize, reflected through another's eyes, when what you see is what you lack, then selfless love will turn you back."Basically Mr Flash, your hip-hop highness, sir – is that you take it upon YOURSELF to get yourself through your own problems. Here are some of the lyrics from The Message (We're big fans) that we believe might be just the ticket on this one.

KimKardashian Kim Kardashian

81 degrees in the winter!?! Gotta love LA

Dear Kim,

Yeah we know, the zany weather, eh? Sometimes we just stand by our kettles continuously boiling water just to see if we can get some sensation back into our joints via osmosis.

Oh, that doesn't really answer your problem.

TheRealDjCasper DJCASPER

Dear DJ Casper,Let us answer that question (of sorts) with another question.

Did you know the year 2000 was 12 years ago?

justinbieber Justin Bieber

got me

Dear Justin Bieber,

We're not really sure who you are aside from the fact you appear to be the sole propietor and hold all fringe benefit of the word 'believe'. So we'll just give you a quick Google and see where we go from there.

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OH MY GOD YOU'RE LIKE IF GOD HAD A MAGICAL BABY. AT STONEHENGE. AT THE STROKE OF SABBATH. MID-STARSAILOR GIG.

Do people KNOW?

ollyofficial Olly Murs

SERIOUSLY GUTTED this evening!! Just Missed Part 2 'BIRDSONG' on BBC1… #badtimes

Dear Olly,

FOR GOD'S SAKE OLLY. We reminded you ALL. DAY.  And yes, you did miss all the fit birds getting Thumbelina'd up the Alan Whickers, yes. Yes you did before you ask. And all the middle class industrial unease, yes. And no, the jews didn't 'win'. We know, we really thought they'd got it in the bag this time too. But you know, some of us invested an hour and a half of our time to find out at least. You really should Sky+ next time before you go out on your bi-weekly evenings out laying down Durex trails for the girls in Nandos wearing trilbys. Although yeah, admittedly that was a very boss Sunday night. But you still.. you know. Be careful, Olly.

ronanofficial Ronan Keating

Last night in the early hours of the morning an empty truck full of bricks ran over a dead cat and nearly killed him

Christ, righto. Erm…

Not really our field, Ronan. Maybe check the Directgov site for care assessment advice? Or, you know, Rolf Harris?

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Join us next week, where we solve the ongoing mystery of Kerry Katona's rapidly diminishing collection of Coco Pops Straws.