Friends Showing Concern Over Rihanna & Chris Brown’s Perfectly Reasonable Relationship

People who claim to actually know Rihanna and Chris Brown are reportedly "terrified" that they're going to get back together. Presumably because they think Ri is asking for a whupping and Breezy is cracking his knuckles in anticipation.

Meanwhile, all Rihanna has to say about it is "cake cake cake cake cake cake cake cake" and if you don't understand that joke, get to the foot of this article where you'll find out.

So, despite absolutely no remorse from Brown and the pair guesting on each other's songs recently, it looks pretty obvious that they'll be romatically connected again soon, even if its only at the behest of the record companies who are thriving on all this (negative) attention. This leaves those close to the stars vomiting in anxiety.

It has even been reported that Breezy managed to attend Rihanna's 24th birthday party in LA last week without once punching ten shades of trifle out of her face, which is marvelous news.

Yet, sources (ah, those guys!) say that friends of both stars fear that the release of their 'Birthday Cake' and 'Turn Up The Music' collabs marks the beginning of a relationship that could damage them personally and professionally.

'Damage personally' in this case means, 'damaged skull', and 'damaged professionally' means, 'no-one is happy about domestic violence being used as a backdrop for a publicity campaign. It doesn't make them look like rebel outlaws – it makes them look like something from Jeremy Kyle.

The rumours are all suggesting that Rihanna would absolutely start a relationship with Brown again, if it wasn't for the media and her fans, and Brown of course (if the mutterings are to be believed), is willing to dump his current squeeze if Ri is game.

Wife beater AND home-wrecker. Nice CV Mr Breezy.

Either way, crucially, the pair of them are currently making some of the most average pop music on the planet as the video below – of Breezy and Riheezy's collaboration on 'Birthday Cake' – shows.

We'd be happy if they both just vanished. Forever. Is it too much to wish for some kind of suicide pact?