Skins Review: Yes, It Really Is Still On

Instead of listening to uplifting music we're continuing on the emotional, spiritual, and frankly suicidal journey that is Skins because somebody HAS TO and that somebody is us.

As the introductory voice over regales us with her warnings that "Scenes may contain drug use, sex, and violence," we curse ourselves NOT AGAIN and continue to brew up.

Spliced in between all this excess are some shots that compile an episode centred around the blonde 'bombshell' Minnie, except she's not really looking so fab these days because that's what happens when you're up the duff, preggers, cooking a bun, with child; you get angry and ugly so be warned children.

There were no adverts for Durex this week because nobody wants to have sex after watching Skins. Remember she's only 15 you shagging delinquents! We're reminded of this by the fact she' still knocking back the Babycham and checking on those dirty pee sticks with the word "Pregnant" imprinted on them.  And the last thing she wants to do is turn up on popular programme and cry I Didn't Know I was Pregnant.  If it was up to us, we'd brand her with the word across her bump.

Obviously as well as being one of the dullest characters on the cast of Friends, she's the ugliest when you look at her supporting cast, especially Matthew Perry circa prescription drug addiction. Shit, have been watching the wrong show? We flipped over in the adverts. Sorry. Yes, Minnie, ugly, supporting cast. There was a woman who wasn't Anna Friel, a man who wasn't remotely like Mark Addy, her mum, and then of course her swine of a father or The Tom Ford man as we came to know him as over our short time together. Bit of a dick, no? Despite the glasses. The cast of brightly coloured young people were flitting about in the background making absolutely no offensive statements which was a change of pace.

This has lead us to develop the theory that the entire Skins series is going to flashback to a character from season one who was actually a massive nutcase and all the other casts are going to be part of some inner college based monologue from which they escape the mundanity of life in the psycho slammer. This would be even better if it was a teacher at the college that just longed for interesting students, hopefully Josie Long will be available to play the part.

Minnie was informed about the beauty and love that her sonogram represented for her mother and thus the circle of life was complete when Minnie saw her own ultrasound to a piece of music that wasn't nearly triumphant enough; always go for Sigur Ross guys, honestly. Or Take That. Or something the producers of The Apprentice might use.

If you like having the will to live then, next week, you could just watch the members of Steps cry over a dinner table and some tap water instead, that's a foolproof way to start any night. It might be a little too high in non-toxic temperament for a Monday to be honest, but you could give it a shot. It has better morals, better feminism, sexism, and racism so it's a win, win, lose, lose situation really.