Paris Hilton In Drunk Text Shocker!

Paris Hilton has seemingly been off the radar for ages. What she's been up to is anybody's guess. After all, if you blow the dust off her CV, she can technically be classed as a "designer," "actor," "singer," and "star of a very bored looking home nudey video."

For someone who's so busy, it's remarkable how she finds time to do all of this stuff. It's almost like she gets people to create stuff for her, and then slap her own name on top. She can do that with clothing and perfume lines, but not music.

It looks like Paris Hilton has been back to the recording studio after the apparent success of her previous work. We all own 'Stars Are Blind' on 12" don't we? After taking a few years out from music, Paris is back and has given us the wonderfully titled "Drunk Text." How postmodern of her.

With a song entitled "Drunk Text," you can pretty much gather what the lyrics are going to be about? If artists are going to start being lyrically literal, we assume that Tiny Tempah will pen a rap called "I Just Had Some Cereal" and Jedward will come out with a sure fire smash called "Been For A Wee, But I Didn't Finish Properly So Now There's A Small Wet Bit In My Y-Fronts"

Artists often take inspiration from all sorts of aspects in their lives. But with Paris Hilton, we imagine she has around a terabyte's worth of texts stored up from when she has been off her wonky eyed face on booze. Watching her reality show "The Simple Life" with partner in crime Nicole Richie, she doesn't seem like the best drunk in the world when given access to a phone.

Normally, we'd link you to the video so you could experience the track for yourself and gain an unbiased opinion. After all, do you really take what we say as gospel? However, the video for Drunk Text has been swiftly removed from the internet after a supposed copyright infringement claim by her label, Black Hole Recordings. *Insert your own joke here*. However we do have some stills of the video. Observe:

Mercifully, because the internet is an unforgiving place, there are some snippets of the song available via SoundCloud. Four short samples showcase a song that sounds like its being played on the wrong speed with the pitch turned all the way down. As for the vocal? Whatever the term for sounding like an emotionless robot is, Paris Hilton has nailed it.

If you don't trust us, listen here

Just incase you missed some of the lyrics; it seems that Paris is attempting to educate us about something that has been occurring for years. Perhaps she thinks she's stumbled onto something new. Or her PR team take her phone away from her when she does order a pint and can't do any subsequent "drunk texting:"

"If you take the word 'sex' and mix it with 'texting,' it's called 'sexting'/When you add drunk sexting, the words just don't make sense."

Just give her the 2013 Grammy for best female performance and the 2013 Brit Award for best international female now.