Let Us All Go To Paula Abdul’s And Fall Over ‘Til She Cries Money On Us!

You there! Stop what you're doing! The engine's running and we have places to be! Like where? Well, we're all going to Paula Adbul's house. No, honestly we are. Hear us out! If you come to Mental Paula's house, we can all make loads of money! 

All you need to do is be your clumsy, clumsy self.

Yes indeed, we're all off to Paula's house and all we need to do is fall over repeatedly and then, at some point, the singer who is friends with an animated cat will arrive with a tray of used bank-notes, crying coins out of her peculiar face directly into our pockets.

You're obviously the kind of person who falls over their own stupidly gigantic feet and is forever smacking their comedically sized head off things, so really, you should be making a bee-line for Abdul.

A woman who filed a lawsuit after simply falling over on the TV judge's drive is going to be awarded a seven-figure sum in damages leaving Abdul $900k worse off. It doesn't matter though. She's too insane to notice.

Jill Kohl was injured a couple of years ago on Paula's property while the former American Idol idiot was shooting her reality show Hey Paula.

Now, Abdul will cry up $900,000 with another $100,000 will be exiting the pocket of the show's production company. The best bit is, Kohl only wanted around $25,000 initially.

And don't think we haven't noticed what the woman is called – Kohl.

It's clearly a codename for Cheryl Cole who is trying to get some money out of Simon Cowell's bezzie buddy after her unceremonious axing from X Factor USA.

Splendid work Chezza.