Do you have a dog? Word to the wise – no-one actually cares. It's your stupid, gristle-munching crap-factory and no-one else wants to deal with it outside of occasional petting of it when we have to visit your fur covered home that smells like dog's teeth.
That's because dogs are stupid. They're impressively stupid. They walk into things, frighten themselves when flatulent and will forever be fooled by someone pretending to throw a ball for them. Dogs, in short, are idiots.
With that, someone ought to tell Eva Mendes who is ten shades of thrilled that she talks to her dog in French and is bowled over that it knows what she's on about. Or rather, it has no idea.
Talking to those bright folks at Marie Claire about a stupid hound, Mendes says:
"It sounds so pretentious, but he learned his commands in French."
Are we're supposed to coo and whoop because, as well you know, when a celebrity has a dog, we have to care like they've had a baby (which we also don't care about).
Se, Mendes brought a Belgian Malinois and called it Hugo. That doesn't matter though. She could've called it 'Bestiality' or 'Spadooey' or a low guttural howl, and it would've eventually answered to it. Either way, Hugo was apparently "rather intimidating", yet, instantly obeyed Mendes's orders for him to lie down or 'act stupid'.
This awful, wretched beast has also bought her dog a beeper-controlled behavior-modification collar, whatever that means.
And so, Hugo talks French, mainly because Mendes talks French at it. You could grab a puppy and shout 'testicles' at it while presenting its lead and, HEY PRESTO! It will be under the impression that the medical word for balls means it will be going for a walk.
You could shout "Sie lassen mich sich erbrechen wünschen!" at a dog while pointing at the cupboard where you keep the food, and lo! It will think that the unpleasant German phrase means its dinnertime!
In short – people who talk about dogs should be punched up the arse. Forever.
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