George Clooney Sad As He Realises Money Buys Only Misery And Disappointment

In the latest "they're just like us, you know" news, George Clooney has given an interview to The Hollywood Reporter, where he grumbles on and on like an interminable granddad who has no compunction making a story about chutney go on for twenty minutes without even a whisper of punchline.

We're not sure why we're surprised, really. He is 50 after all, and no matter how many money-shakes he drinks or money-shoes he wears, he's still going to end his day weeping softly into a pair of perfect model-boobs.

So we should all feel very very sorry for him. Very sorry indeed. Poor old Clooney.

Whilst throwing lit money-balls into a pool of premier cru, crying as they disintegrated into soggy ash, George mused:

"Anyone would be lying if they said they didn't get lonely at times. The loneliest you will get is in the most public of arenas: You will go to a place and end up in the smallest compartment possible, because it's a distraction to everybody, and you end up not getting to enjoy it like everyone else. I have been infinitely more alone in a bad relationship; there's nothing more isolating. I have been in places in my life where that has existed."

Well, excuse us, George, if we don't rush to comfort you, even if you do harp on about your failed relationships:

"[I've been] left for someone; all those things. And it was sometimes a surprise, and sometimes you saw it coming. The most painful was when I kept trying to get (one woman) back. But we all make dumb mistakes."

We do, George, we do all make dumb mistakes. Like the time that we thought it'd be a good idea to buy one of those coffee machines you advertise, but we didn't realise how expensive they were, George, and we went over our junior overdraft, George.

And then we lost everything and now we can't sleep. Kind of like how you feel, except that when you can't sleep it's because you're thinking about which money-tie to wear with your favourite money-suit tomorrow for your weekly money-toboggan tournament. When we can't sleep it's because we're scared someone'll come along and steal our shoes, George.

Have a nice weekend.