Robert Pattinson States The Insultingly Obvious For Everyone!

He's got creepy beady eyes and the skin tone of a bad waxwork model.  And the expressive acting of a bad wax work model.  And always seems to be standing awkwardly… like a bad wax work model.

Robert Pattinson, human or wax work, is mind bogglingly famous, the sort of famous that makes teenage girls soil themselves in excited glee at the sound of his name.  Which is odd for someone so incredibly dull.

Showing himself to be surprisingly aware of the world outside of his corner Madame Tussauds Pattinson has made the least shocking revelation ever to make headlines.  The statement also runs the risk of bursting his own fame bubble as his fans realise just how unremarkable he his.  Unremarkable and likely to melt in hot conditions.

The quote which may be the most misguided statment since the mayor of Hiroshima said "it's only one plane, how much damage can it do?" Pattinson is reported to have announced to the world;

"Doing something like Twilight opens doors and it closes others. You can say, 'Oh if I was still unknown, then no one would judge me.' But at the same time, nobody would give a shit either."

Which is very, very true Mr Pattinson. We do judge you, to be rather uninteresting and impossibly pale for someone made of meat.

You only get that passing glimmer of attention because you were That Guy In Twilight.  And weren't you shagging That Lass From Twilight?

You still are, but you're keeping it secret from the world?  To appear more interesting?  Good luck with that.

See, Pattinson is half right.  We don't really care that much. We give less of a shit, more of a skidmark.