Eddie Murphy & Toni Braxton Are Dating Which Is Quite Literally The Best News Ever

Let's face it, if you only read one celebrity story this week, it really should be this one. Sit back, relax, pop on your limited edition casette single of 'Unbreak My Heart', get The Nutty Professor on your DVD player and have a psychiatrist on standby because this is going to blow your tiny mind.

Eddie Murphy is dating Toni Braxton.

Yeah.

It appears that Braxton and Murphy, who are both famous for being in decline as professionals have been gadding about town with one another for a while now and, according to US Weekly (the weekly publication of choice for fans of Us), they're having a bloody marvellous time.

Why would anyone grudge them that? Is it possible that the Braxphy Partnership may become hecklerspray's new favourite celebrity couple? Very possible. Very possible indeed. Can you imagine the sex? Toni warbling on about past heartache while Eddie plays 16 different characters ranging from a confident, domineering lover to a sobbing chronic masturbator. It's an incredible image.

It even appears that Eddie actually likes Toni's music, presumably coming to this realisation after she told him that she really enjoyed 'Meet Dave'. Some odious advert for spermicide told US Weekly:

"Their kids have met and everything. It's getting very serious."

Apparently that's what it takes to "get serious" nowadays. Everyone has to sit down around a table and work out if their children might be sexually compatible in the future. If they are then the relationship's a no-go. Incest in Hollywood just ain't as cool as it used to be. It's a sickening process but it's got to be done.

Is there a twist in the tail for The 'Spray's Favourite Couple of 2012, 2013 & 2015 though? Apparently Toni's representative has denied reports the pair are even dating! What fresh hell is this?!

"Toni and Eddie are just friends and have been fans of each other's work for a long time."

BUT WE'D ALREADY PLANNED OUT THEIR LIVES TOGETHER! Right down to their 'self-exploratory' split in 2014 after Eddie's alleged orgy with the other four Spice Girls.

This is a disaster.