Frankie Cocozza To Be “The Bachelor” Or “Perpetually Lonely”

If you remember a time where people weren't famous because they had tattooed tally marks representing every woman they'd ever had sex with which criss-crossed their body making them look like a Wilkinsons version of Hellraiser then close this window now.

In case you hadn't heard, Celebrity Big Brother contestant and X Factor flop Frankie Cocozza is being lined up to become 'The Bachelor'.

What better choice to replace the hunky, dull-witted appeal of Gavin Henson with a Paolo Nutini lookalike who's been drowned in cooking oil and then reanimated?

Of course, you'd be forgiven for thinking that Channel 5 might finally be scraping the very bottom of the barrel. First they offered a clip show to Jedward and now appear to be reeling in Cocozza to be their latest X Factor coup. What next? Offering Ray Quinn his own Saturday night prime time show featuring music, dance and variety acts?

Actually, if you want that one, you'll have to pay us for it.

Naturally, Frankie wasn't first choice for The Bachelor in much the same way that he's not first choice for anything. Apparently Mark Wright was offered the role but he pulled out to focus on his presenting career. Which is going fantastically, since you ask. Regardless of the Mark Wright Factor, Frankie isn't one of life's winners but you can assume he'll enjoy a role where he doesn't have to put a lot of thought into his chat-up lines as they'll all be written for him.

There's a thought; is there one of those 'Extra' shows for The Bachelor? If so, we want to present it and we demand that it be called "The Bachelor: GUM Clinic Aftermath".

If you're going to make bottom-of-the-barrel TV with bottom-of-the-barrel celebrities then you may as well get a bottom-of-the-barrel celebrity site to be responsible for your post-show antics.

Hello? Channel 5?! Hello?!