Hold on to your wizard robes, we're riding the magical flying unicorn into battle on the plains of Interwebtopia! A rich plunder awaits our marauding hordes. There's the mighty gnome tower of ThatisprobablyillegalinMalaysia, the verdant fields of Disgustingbutimustkeepwatching and the deep dark valleys of Howmanygirlsandhowmanycups.
All the best treasures of the rich and varied Interwebtopia shall be piled at the high altar at Castle hecklerspray and we can all rejoice as King Mof eats a baby.
EATS A BABY!
10. We don't often feature online stores on Webthump, mostly because we're rampant anti-capitalists sticking it to the system and being evicted from outside St Paul's. Or we've never earned enough to have disposable income, whatever. These fine products can be lovingly ogled by rich and financially inept alike. We are mighty impressed with the combination of hat and face fuzz, it makes us fancy we could impress ladies should they think us real, manly men. Like
lumberjacks.
9. Samuel L. Jackson. You've got to love him. Otherwise he'll kill you. And look really cool doing it. But even the ultimate coolness that is Mr these-snakes-are-proving-to-be-rather-inconvenient-on-this-long-haul-flight can't cope with children. Especially when they won't go to sleep. This has to be the finest idea ever committed to pixel. Not only is there a book that threatens insomniac children, but there is a video of it being read by Mr Used-to-actually-be-a-crack-addict-and-a-sort-of-terrorist. Scare your children to sleep so they can then soil the sheets with their nightmares of afros and firepower.
8. When not scaring the living snot out of children the Internet occasionally comes up with a saint. Someone who is willing to share their talents and hard work or willingly prance about like a performing monkey for your delight. Here's a lovely site where you can commission a song about absolutely anything. A good suggestion will net you a little ditty of your choosing, though the website name insists you wear pants. Go scrub up to filthy urchin!
7. Are you wearing underwear now? Good. Let us quickly move on from this and pretend that we didn't see your sad, underused genitals. Now then, how can we add a touch of class to procedings? How about some soothing music, the sort of tinny, elevator music that calms you right down and always sounds much better than the original song it's copying. With one simple download you can make your computer serenade you whenever you what for a program to load. Which will make working approximately 1 gazillion times more fun. To blow your mind with joy you can turn any progress bar into a cat that shits rainbows.
6. We're probably going to kill off Webthump if we show you this. It's part one of the Definitive List of the internet. If you ahven't seen ever single one of these websites, videos, memes and what nots you are a failed human being. You will be stripped of your right to visit the web and may even have your fingers cut off. So, quickly go look through all 99 odds and sods. Or you'll be trying to pick your nose with bloody stumps by teatime.
5. You're still reading this? Wow, well done! You must be getting tired though. Maybe you'd like some Govarian to perk you up? Or maybe some Tekturna would do the trick. Hang on, one of those is a drug, the other a fictional robot. Oh, it's happened again. Luckily there's a website out there to help you unmuddle you prescription drugs from you city smashing mega-droids. Thankfully we no longer need to worry when the doctor tells us to take two Johnny 5?s and call him in the morning.
4. A few Webthumps ago we featured a website that claimed hipster fashion as invented by your dad. Not your dad specifically, nobody knows for sure who your dad is. Now you can by the ultra-tight rayon towelling jumpsuit featured alongside a glorious pair of muttonchops. Plaid Stallions is a 70?s nostalgiafest told through pages of catalogues that truely makes us glad to not remember any of that decade. There's everything from toys to clothes and fashion and playthings. Ok, it's mostly clothes and toys, all of them crap, all of them ugly. Unless you're a hipster and think them cool because nobody likes them. Which is why we hate you.
3. Ha Ha Ha death. Yes, death is always a fine source of japery. Thanks to this infographic you can now chortle away at the sufferings and untimely demises of your fellow humans. We are always delight to hear tell of anyone who dies from the arse up thanks to a creatively concealed pepper spray can activating inside of him. There's also the side splitting one about the lifeguard who drowns at a party thrown by lifeguards to celebrate that nobody had died. If that doesn't put a smile on your grimmacing visage keep scrolling down, you can learn all about how Australians die. Which is always nice.
2. We love this guy. By day Adam is a pleasant, sensible Englishman. As soon as he's asleep he becomes Sleep Talkin' Man. STM is a rude, perverted, sick and twisted individual. Which makes it all totally hilarious to us. Let us share a quote from STM, "Happy Birthday! It's a dead puppy! … Now listen, you: you didn't specify a live puppy, you just said you wanted a fucking puppy! Jesus you're spoiled. Now go take it for a drag". The best part of this is that it's said o nthe eve of his daughter's birthday. We sincerely hope that there was a surprise for that little girl in the morning.
1. Didn't we promise you that Editor Mof would eat a baby? Here's how. It's a bit to horrific to explain, just click the link.
Alright then fluffers! Do you feel satisfied? Is your internet history now a bit richer for something other than all that porn? We do hope so, because we've had look and you scare us quite frankly. There is no way a woman and a honey badger should be made to do that to eachother. If you've got something for the next Webthump that doesn't break the laws of nature send us a link on Facebook or Twitter
No hay comentarios:
Publicar un comentario