Russell Brand and Katy Perry's marriage was a surprise to everyone. He, the infantile Victorian magician with a Morrissey obsession and she, the Carry On popstar with a puntacular career and a long face.
When they split-up, everyone joined-in on a giant collective shrug and vaguely wondered what might happen next.
Well, one thing on the cards is a tell-all book from Katy Perry where she talks explicitly about Brand's long, thin member and the various cutesy names he stuck to it.
Of course, since the split, Perry has been linked to God's favourite sportsman – Tebow Of Nazareth – while Brand has been linked with the only Smiths fan more annoying than himself, Zooey Deschanel.
But before all that, Katy has reportedly been offered $3.1million to write a book about Russell Brand, where she'll dish all manner of dirt on him.
That could be fun. Not that any of us will read it. Rest assured, we'll reprint the best bits that other publications find for us. It's called 'stealing content' which seems to be fair game these days.
Regrettably, since the break-up, the couple (well, former couple… but there's two of them so, technically, they're 'a couple of people') have maintained something of a dignified silence. That won't do. So thankfully, snake-brained publishers (three of them! Count them on your webbed hands!) are now competing to get Katy's side of the story.
A source said:
"When everything was going well, Katy couldn't stop talking about him. Since the split neither of them have said anything – keeping the price of a deal high."
Very good. However, we're more interested in the rumour that Perry has moved on with 22-year-old Chanel model Baptiste Giabiconi who we have never heard of, but like the idea of them making Russell Brand nauseous with jealousy.
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