Rihanna’s Dad Forgives Chris Brown’s “Mistake” But Can’t Forgive A Podgy Daughter

Rihanna: like her or loath her, everybody's definitely a little bit bored of her. Look at her, out there releasing catchy pop records and constantly touring and performing. She's living her dream but she's doing right up in our faces.

Of course, catch pop records and flashing a bit too much skin at a prime time TV audience isn't the reason that RiRi's been in the news recently. She's started collaborating with Chris Brown and by that we don't mean that they're both out roaming the streets of Hollywood trying to find women to beat up, we mean that she's started making music with him.

Way to low-ball yourself professionally there, Rihanna.

Still, it's not all bad for Rihanna. She may have rekindled a friendship with the man who was convicted of abusing her and then served to rub it in by converting an army of impressionable people into #TeamBreezy, a kind of apologist cult of Domestic Abuse sympathisers but at least she has her family around to love and support her through these difficult times.

Perhaps they're giving her advice to try and set her back on the right track. Maybe they think that her collaboration with Chris Brown might be coming a little too soon given that he threatened to kill her only three years ago.

Or not.

They're more likely to be found talking about how podgy Rihanna looks recently. Especially her Dad Ronald Fenty who  told Heat magazine:

"I actually thought she was a little fat the last time I saw her."

Oh right. Okay. Do you not want to talk about her mental state? Perhaps give her some public advice about her association with a convicted felon? Why not discuss the message that sends to other people who have been abused by their partners?

"But when I saw her at this year's Grammys, I thought she was back to her normal size. I used to joke with her, 'Robyn, you're getting too fat.' But I think she's fine. I think she looked excellent, as everyone saw, at the Grammys. She's dieting, she's working out."

Well thank god because we can't have Rihanna enjoying a cake, can we? That way she might be able to be seen as a real human being rather than an emotionless "star" with all the personality of a vulcanised rubber door mat.

That's not all though, Pa Fenty did broach the subject of Rihanna's renewed friendship (if not ploughing romance) with buck-toothed manure-peddler Brown:

"Chris is a nice guy and everybody's entitled to make mistakes in their life – God knows how many I've made. She's her own woman now."