Avril Lavigne Now Almost Entirely Pointless Now That She’s Single

Befanged, alt.lifestyle tourist, Avril Lavigne, long ago decided that being a skatergirl wasn't for her because acne, greasy hair and ill-fitting jeans wasn't at all attractive. And so, she promptly went mental, spat at some photographers and became airbrushed.

Losing her raison d'être, she tottered off into some pop-twilight, only getting column inches for her clearly tedious private life.

Things livened up briefly when she got into a bar-room brawl with some women, which left her bozo hunk of a fella – Brody Jenner (how is that not a girl's name?) – with a bit gash on his face. No, we're not talking about him fellating Lavigne. Alas, now, she's got nothing as the pair have decided to wave ta-ta to their relationship.

A source confirms to E! News (the people who did an amazingly lousy job of covering the Golden Globes) that the cod-rocker and Jenner have split, after courting for almost two years.

The funny thing is, is that shortly after this pair got together, they got tattoos of each other's names on their pale, healthless skin. It'd be fun watching Lavigne trying to bite said branding off with her weird, pointed teeth.

Alas, the only person Avril has in her life now is her stalker. That's it. There's not only someone sad enough to stalk a barely famous person, but now, he's the leading man in her desperate life.

In fairness, this could get really good for us leeches who write about celeb-misery.

See, when Tatu stopped being famous, they paraded around their videos naked and had photoshoots while naked and pregnant. The more desperate they became, the more outlandish their neediness was.

And so, we hope the same for Avril Lavigne. We fully expect to see some kind of leaked nude (she's been holding that particular top-trump since she first appeared on the pop radar) and potentially some kind of drink-induced nervous breakdown, before finding solace in rehab (America's confession booth).

Countdown to Avrilageddon starts…

…NOW!

(Just don't tell her that Taylor Momsen has already beaten her to every attention seeking trick that a supposedly alt.girl can do, okay?)