Staring At David Beckham’s Groin Is Fine, Obviously (Unless You’re His Daughter)

Women! When you've stopped complaining about the negative, overtly sexual images of women in media, which breed an unrealistic body-ideal in young girls, we'd like to point you in the direction of David Beckham in his underpants.

See, ol' GoldenNads has done a photoshoot for some undercrackers he's flogging through dreary clothing bazaar, H&M.

A number of women have stopped worrying about the patriarchy long enough to admire Beckham's bulge and sigh with feint arousal everytime they see it. So what does David have to say about it? Well, it doesn't involve stuffing but it does involve his daughter.

While womenfolk rail against the appearance of naked girls in print, they simultaneously objectify men like there ain't a thing to it. The gays of the world objectify everything because they're brilliant at it and make no apology about it.

For straighty woman though, there's this confusion over whether or not its okay to lust after a half-naked human. The selling of female flesh by the pound is bad, but musing on whether Becks' stuffs his package is completely fine.

And on that score, Beckham has proudly proclaimed that he has never stuffed his pants to make his manhood look bigger.

Referring to comedian James Corden – who parodied him in a shoot, who admitted to stuffing socks in the underwear – David said:

"I've never, ever done a James and padded out my pants, or shoved socks down there though. I've never had to for any of the photoshoots I've done because, hopefully, I don't need to. Well, let's just say I've been told I don't need any help in that department. I think I'm pretty OK!"

Of course, there'll be women dribbling down their blouses at the thought of a massive schlong hiding behind those briefs. However, if you have half a brain, you'll note that, in Beckham's shots, his gruds appear to be filled with 90% balls. Does that mean Beckham has a genital region that looks like a jug spout grafted onto a hot-air balloon?

Either way, ol' Davey B wasn't finished talking about underwear. He's quite the raconteur you know?

"Victoria loves me in long johns. I like wearing the normal, short briefs but she reckons she likes me better wearing the long johns! She makes me wear them around the house. But that's OK because they're comfortable and keep you warm."

Frost/Nixon, eat your heart out.

And still he wasn't finished! No, he wanted to talk about the fact that his daughter should be thoroughly ashamed of the naked human body. Talking about how he used to walk around his house naked, he said:

"My naked days are over. I definitely walk around the house in my underwear. But not naked. With the boys it's not a problem because they're naked all the time but with a little girl now, it is different."

There you go. Instill that little girl with a sense of shame from the off Dave! Go you! Still, at least she'll grow up thinking that the human body is something to be hidden, unless you're displaying your ballbag to the world in a series of lucrative advertisements, eh?