Awesome or Off-Putting: Malaysia’s Diabolical Oily Men

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

You're familiar with first world problems, right? Running out of mustard, the laundry room is all the way down in the basement or the DVR cut off the first 15 seconds of a Buffy the Vampire Slayer. These are first world problems.

Third world problems, on the other hand, are things like two oily men with the magical powers of a witch going around trying desperately to rape all the virgins in your village.

That, reportedly, is something a district in Malaysia is currently dealing with.

Remember the Popobawa? We wrote about it a few years ago. It's a bat-winged cyclops that goes around raping men mostly in a place called Pemba. He terrorizes entire towns at a time.

Something somewhat similar is happening in Malaysia right now, except instead of one terrifying and horny monster there are two of them. AsiaOne.com gives us the low down:

"…what the residents of this village were worried about were not humans, instead they were keeping an eye out for not one, but two, supernatural beings. They are under attack from a couple of orang minyak (oily man), they claim. This village has been buzzing with sightings of the two paranormal creatures for the last 10 days.

"Many residents claim to have seen and heard the orang minyak around the vicinity of the Pangsapuri Laksamana and Jalan Laksamana. And they all say the same thing the orang minyak are clad only in their underwear and drenched in black shiny oil. They can jump from one roof to another with ease, and vanish into thin air within seconds."

Well we don't know about all the jumping and vanishing stuff, but as far as the underwear-clad oily description goes – it sounds like our own Mof Gimmers.

You might wonder what the Oily Men are doing around the town there. The answer, according to local lore, is they're trying desperately to rape a certain amount of virgins so they can get black magic's equivalent of the Eagle Scout rank. You don't believe us? Well check out what AsiaOne says about it:

"As reported by a local Malay daily, the 17-year-old girl did not only see the orang minyak a few times, but also felt "someone" caressing her and calling her to go out of the house. It reportedly also locked the family members outside the house on Christmas eve, forcing the girl's brother-in-law Kamal Bahari Satar, 36, to break down the door. We saw a black heap underneath the kitchen table. When other residents poked it with a bamboo stick, we could see blood stains."

The black mass then fled to a neighbor's house. Mobs have taken to the streets in search of the two greasy wizards. Although some have seen them, thus far they've been unable to capture one.

Really though, even if they managed to get there hands on one it'd probably be really slippery. After all, they're covered in grease.

Smart move, greasy man, smart move indeed.

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable. You're familiar with first world problems, right? Running out of mustard, the laundry room is all the way down in the basement [...]