Ex-TOWIE Star Harry Derbidge Wins “Idiots’ Idiot” Award

There isn't much to be said about Harry Derbidge that hasn't already been said. By that we mean that there is very little to say about Harry Derbidge aside from the fact that he appears to have an IQ comparable to that of a brain-damaged heron. In fact, up until today we hadn't actually heard of anyone called Harry Derbidge and assumed that a 'derbidge' was a way of accessing a castle.

Of course we know better now and our apologies go to the young Mr Derbidge who has spent the weekend garnering our respect by winning a massive important award! Yeah! Screw the brain-dead attention seekers of The Only Way Is Essex! Their former colleague Harry has picked up the coveted "Idiots' Idiot" award at a hastily arranged ceremony sponsored by hecklerspray.

Let's hear it for Harry, readers!

Yes, at the glitzy ceremony which was held in one of Manchester's fashionable disused industrial estates, Mr Derbidge was presented with the award by The hecklerspray Phantom who took the opportunity of meeting one of its favourite idiots to vomit ectoplasm in the reality star's face.

There were so many nominees for the "Idiots' Idiot Award" that we had to have an overflow industrial estate just to fit them all in. The ceremony was piped into the buildings via an internet feed before the giant buildings were flooded with a potent nerve gas that will put most of them out of commission for around three months. Everyone except Frankie Cocozza who swanned out of the front door claiming he'd had worse Sunday evenings.

The judges had such a tough time picking a winner that it took a very special "Twitter Tie Break" to smash through the stalemate and propel Harry to the title of Idiots' Idiot 2012. To contextualise, when it was announced that he wouldn't be returning for a fourth series of TOWIE, he naturally decided he hated everyone he had previously pretended to be friends with for money. He tweeted:

'Omg have you all just seriously seen that towie advert where everyone is saying shut up… I have been catchphrased robbed! X'

It takes a really special kind of idiot to believe that "shut up" is a catchphrase. It's no 'What's Up, Doc?' is it? It's just something that around 95% of the English-speaking world says on a regular basis. Good on him though for being deluded enough to believe that he has some sort of intellectual property right on a common utterance.

It won him a shit, hastily fictionalised award which is a damn-sight more than he'll be winning any time soon.