Paul McCartney Will Not Be Taking Drugs Because He’s Realised How Sad He Looks Trying To Be A Rebel

Alright everybody, heads up. Everyone's least favourite Beatle has an announcement to make – one that makes him seem almost responsible and, simultaneously like a lame-rebel pensioner. Ready?

Paul McCartney will not be taking any more drugs anymore.

This will no doubt hurtle straight into, say, number 7 or so on the 'Other Seriously Important Things That Don't Happen Any More List.'  that we all live by day after day. And if you're wondering what the rest of the list is and Macca's reasons why he's knocking blow on the head, read on.

That aforementioned conclusive list that looks a little bit like this if you were wondering:

1. R Kelly will not be going ahead breaking it off wit' a little preview to the remix any more.
2. Now that she has her own reality programme, Amy Childs will no longer think of her hair as an allegory for the 'strings of the cruel media industry puppet' any more.

Mark Darcy no longer loving Bridget Jones at around the 1 hour 10 mark in Bridget Jones 2: The Edge of Reason anymore.

Frankie Cocozza not being allowed to be on the television of 2012 any more. (*Wakes up* Oh. Sorry we must have got our wires crossed, he's doing a reality show with Kirk from TOWIE.)

We are not allowed to go to the pub and talk about what we would put upwards in Beyonce's nether regions after half a lager and lime because the metaphorical placenta of her first born child will always block our hypothetical paths… any more.

Mark Speight from SmART is not going to be needing his annual rail saver ticket any more.

Paul McCartney will not be taking any drugs anymore! (IT MADE IT!)

R Kelly will not be asking anyone to give him some of that 'toot toot' any more.

R Kelly will also not be asking anyone to give him that 'beep beep', whilst an undetermined female runs her hands through his fro, bouncing on 24s. Any more.

Chris Brown will not be unfairly punished for playfully shoving over that game of Jenga he once played with Rihanna that got slightly misconstrued in the press for something else ANY MORE.

So yeah, in an interview with Rolling Stone magazine, (via the small pocket of air that had not yet closed up inside Paul McCartney's mouth at that desperate point in 2007 when he said "Yes, that'll be fine" to take part in the following music video) he revealed to the world that enough was enough, no more bloody mari-bloody-juana now that the kids can pronounce the word better than their own father at any rate.

"'I smoked my share. When you're bringing up a youngster, your sense of responsibility does kick in, if you're lucky, at some point. Enough's enough."

Yeah, true dat. Enough is enough. No more BLADDY DRAGS. It is no longer the 60s. The Beatles gave it a quick whirl, but ultimately lost out to Alexandra Burke on X Factor 2008 in the end, so fair's fair. It's 2012 now. Let's move along to pastures new, and think of all those poor burdened Inuits!

Oh god, sorry – we meant 'London Olympics' just then. Sorry. God, that was weird, wasn't it?