Pop Promos: Pretend Punk, Twee Pop And Dull Folk

Well it's been a hectic week in the business hasn't it what with the death and the outrage and the awards and the fainting and the relaxing and the… oh god it just never ends.

We were going to say something heavily witty and sarcastic like, "Houston, we have a problem," but then we thought it might a little insensitive so instead we decided to let Paula Abdul take all the heat with her whole, "Get over it already, it's been like a week since your mom died, bitch," statement.

In the midst of all this devastation someone had to keep the candle burning and that someone was obviously always going to be Will Young and his finely slicked hair. And so, to the newest pop promotional videos.

We watched this video with the best of intentions and well aware that hecklerspray scribes Jackie Evans and Sophie Hall are somewhere between aficionado's and borderline psychotics about the man.

We urge you to do the same.

So, that was, erm, quite something eh? We'd love to tell you some horrible things about how the beat is blatantly stolen from Kavinsky, or how his suit is cheap polyester, and his bead head sucks, but we're a little busy hating ourselves for enjoying that twee electro pop. Damn you Will Young, damn you back to the days of Mrs. Henderson Presents.

Luckily there is no chance of us having any feelings of any kind whatsoever about the next one, not even hate. We've given up hating Laura Marling, we can no longer muster the breath. Here's her new song that is unflinchingly the same as that other one you might have probably heard once too.

In the hands of anyone else that would have been a creepfest, but Laura 'gained a bit of weight in the face' Marling successfully manages to make horrible old porcelain dolls with cracks in their faces seem like rainbows with no gold at the end. It's really not very good, we're quite sorry about promoting this to be honest, but it's been done now. Hell, here's to the next one.

Bullying's a pretty big issue these days, especially that cyber stuff that happens to fans of really bad bands and dicks who run websites like Unilad. EMA who definitely isn't called Emma and is really referring to the 30 quid you get for going to college has done a song all about it. Here's a video for that.

You will have just witnessed a group of 'misfits' fooling around in a trailer park, the footage is from the mid 90's and is, like, totally legit because that's more awesome. We know what you're thinking, "Man, those kids look like arseholes, I would bully the crap out of that dude with the nipple piercing, he probably uses the word 'dude' all the time." You are a terrible human being, we don't know why you'd say anything like that.

WARNING: The next video contains screaming and gratuitous tattooed torso shots, watch with caution.

Christ, that song just didn't want to end did it?

We've been hearing a lot about these from our informants in 'the scene' and this video distils that down into 40 hours of grainy filters and scratchy text to leave you with an idea that this is at once vintage and genre minglingly new. Hint: It's neither, it's just a man who wants to be a lot of other people none of whom are very good. The guys and dolls at his scatty apartment gig look swell though.

Hopefully nobody of any worth will die next week and somebody exciting will release a massive event video and we will all be able to hold our heads high instead of scraping the barrel.